[The following is an abridged version of a message I was honored to give in our “Church is Family, Not a Business” series at Upper Room of Canyon Hills Church in Bakersfield, CA on February 18th, 2018.]
In our culture, we tend to toss out something once it starts to no longer work or becomes inconvenient. Look back on your life and think of all the things you’ve tossed in the trash. This happens with our furniture, appliances, cars, clothes, computers, and tragically, even in our families and marriages.
The sad thing is, it happens in our churches. There’s a mentality of “if someone offends me, I’m gone. I’ll just start all over. Forget these people.” And if you’ve abandoned a church due to being hurt, or merely flirted with the idea, you need to know that this is NOT the will of God. Church is Family, and Family stays together.
I was seeking God and in prayer I asked Him “Lord, why do so many Christians have trouble committing to the vision and work of the local church?” And the crazy thing is He answered me. He spoke to my spirit in an instant, almost as clearly as you could hear my voice in conversation, and He said “because most of them aren’t married to Me.” I was stunned and convicted; I knew it came from the Lord and that He wants to speak to His Church about commitment.
So, that led me to seek God on this subject of covenant. In the process, He gave me a few things deep in my heart I’d like to unpack for a bit..
I. The Church is the Bride of Christ
Some of you dudes may not like to hear this, but you’re a bride.
That’s right. You may not look very good in a dress or mascara, but you’re the Bride. Every guy and gal, young or old, that claims Jesus; we all together make up the Bride of Christ. Where does this idea come from? Paul goes as far as comparing the relationship of the Church and Jesus to that of a husband and wife in Ephesians chapter 5:
25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body.”
— Ephesians 5:25-30
The cultural picture here is of a bride being presented as a virgin to her bridegroom on
their wedding day. This isn’t the only place you see this comparison in the New Testament, either. In John’s vision in Revelation, one of the last things he sees is a wedding. Here’s the full picture, starting in chapter 21 verse 1:
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first
earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. 2 And I saw the holy city,
new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a
bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne,
saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell
among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among
them, 4 and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no
longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or
pain; the first things have passed away.”
5 And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”
…
9 Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven
last plagues came and spoke with me, saying, “Come here, I will show you
the bride, the wife of the Lamb.”
10 And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and
showed me the holy city, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God,
11 having the glory of God.”— Revelation 21:1-11
So in eternity, in this vision, the holy city is the Bride of Christ. But why? What does that mean? Here’s the answer:
The city is called the Bride because that’s us.
You and I are who will live in the holy city of God, when Jesus finally receives the reward of His suffering and is fully united to His Church. We’ll finally live in intimacy with God the way we were made to; it says God will live with us and we will be His people, finally. All things will be made new and all wrongs made right.
When the Holy Spirit first spoke to me about people not being married to Him, He brought a Scripture to my memory, in Matthew chapter 7:21:
21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of
heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22
Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your
name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many
miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from
Me, you who practice lawlessness.’— Matthew 7:21-23
Jesus speaks of a day coming when He will judge all the nations and people from the history of the world. People will come to Him saying, “Lord, we did this and that” in His Name. He’s going to look at them and say, “I never knew you.”
And that is the most frightening thought in the world to me.
There’s something very interesting here, too. The word for “knew” in “I never knew you” is a Greek word, ginóskó.
ginóskó — “to come to know, recognize, perceive”
One important meaning of this word is that at the time, it was used as a euphemism to indicate the way men and women knew each other intimately, even as far as the sexual intimacy between a wife and husband. So much so, that it’s actually a turn-of-phrase today: whenever someone talks about knowing someone “in the Biblical sense”, it’s talking about sexual intimacy.
When Jesus said this in His time and in His cultural context, the people knew what He meant. One day He will look at these people calling Him Lord and Master and He’ll say, “We were never intimate, you never committed to me, we were never married. We didn’t become one. You never made covenant with me.”
Jesus isn’t coming back for a Church that doesn’t honor Him or the ring He put on her finger. He’s coming back for a pure Bride that’s washed her garments, is unspotted from the world, and has laid down everything to follow Him and commit to His cause.
Church, be faithful. Be the Bride.
II. We Need to Learn Faithfulness
There’s a pretty amazing story in the book of Hosea. In short, God commands the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer and to have children. Through the word of the Lord, Hosea is instructed to name each of his children some pretty harsh names, including Lo-ruhamah (“she has not obtained compassion”) and Lo-ammi (“not my people,” to illustrate prophetic messages of judgement to the nation of Israel. After this, Gomer leaves him and starts to prostitute herself out again. God then tells Hosea the following:
“Then the Lord said to me, ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods’… Then I said to her, ‘You shall stay with me for many days. You shall not play
the harlot, nor shall you have a man; so I will also be toward you.'”— Hosea 3:1-3
So Hosea goes and finds Gomer, brings her back, and restores their marriage covenant despite her unfaithfulness. That’s heavy.
This is used by God as a prophetic picture to Israel, but it also serves as a foreshadow of His love for the Church today. We’re so prone to wander back to our old life and our old ways, even when we’ve experienced new life and fruit and freedom in Jesus.
But why would we ever go back?
For some of you, God is saying, “Come back; be married to me. Learn to be faithful.” In our church we often say, “We love you no matter what”. God loves you no matter what, too! But remember: you married Jesus. You entered a covenant with Him. You said “no” to your old life and your old name, and said “yes” to your new life and your new name in Christ. You said you’d forsake all others and everything else and be faithful to Him. Too many people that sit in our rows every Sunday are dating the church and they’re dating God — they want the benefits and the feel-good sentiments from church-ism without the commitment.
We have to stop that. Be married to Him. Be the Bride.
I think we treat Jesus like an accessory, almost like a watch. I may forget to slap it on my wrist, but it’s not going to create any difference in my day. That’s how we sometimes treat Jesus. “Oops! Forgot to put on my Jesus today. Oh well.” Instead, we should treat Jesus like the clothes we wear; we are NAKED without Him, and it would be crazy to walk around town naked. You’d get arrested pretty quick.
In the same way, you’d be crazy to not put Jesus on every day to be your covering. He is essential to doing life right.
III. Jesus Died So We Could Be Family
He didn’t die for us to have “Churchianity” or religion The night He was betrayed, He prayed for you and me. He thought of us.
“Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. 18 As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. 19 For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth. 20 “I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; 21 that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that
the world may believe that You sent Me.”— John 17:17-21
My concern is this: we say we love Jesus, but don’t obey His commandments. Jesus said
“you are my friends if you do what I say.” We say we love Him, but continue to go after the temptations of the world and leave behind the holiness of covenant He’s called us to.
Often people tell me “I fell into sin” like it was an accident. Let me be clear. You don’t fall into sin – you choose it. The sin Jesus was tormented, ripped apart, crushed and tortured for, to sacrifice once for all and become the wrath of God so He could destroy it – that sin is what we run to.
We commit adultery with it, just like Hosea’s wife, and every time we’re unfaithful to Him, it’s like Jesus finds us and reminds us of the offering of His blood. He says “Hi! I bought this, actually; come home to me. I paid for you to be free.” And we take up the hammer and nails that pierced His flesh and we look in His eyes and we say “I know, but you’ll forgive me.” And BAM. We hammer the nails into His hands all over again.
But He takes it. He’s so patient with us. He takes us back. So when we sin again, as a loving husband with passion and mercy in His eyes, He says “Come back. Be married to Me. Leave this behind. I paid the price so you don’t have to live this way.” And all we do is reply with “Yeah, but this is really hard. I’m really struggling with this right now. You understand; You have grace for me, right?” And BAM. We slam the hammer on the nail and drive it through His feet again, too.
Why would you want to treat Him like that?
He died for us to be one. When He was in the Garden, knowing He was about to be betrayed, He was on His face crying out to God in the middle of the night, so troubled in His spirit at what was to come. Not of the physical torment, but the act of carrying sin on His back and becoming the utter wrath of God to destroy sin’s power over us. And He cried out, praying for us and said, “Father, let them be one as You and I are one…unify them and make them one.”
This is what He allowed His body and soul to be crushed for. Jesus died so we could be FAMILY… don’t take it lightly. We need to wake up and understand what God’s idea of family means. Family means covenant, and all of us are in covenant together, because we’re in Christ together.
IV. The Church is in Covenant Together
One of the great issues with the Body of Christ right now is that some people want the
benefits of family without the commitment. They want to be there for all the stuff that makes them feel good and loved and valued, but are nowhere to be found when things get dirty, difficult, and when the problems of the world need to be solved. Instead of being imitators of God, they’re spectators of God. Everyone wants to make the baby smile, but no one wants to change the diapers.
I have a little boy and I’ve changed some diapers. Not at the top of my wish list.
Like I said, family isn’t always fun — but it’s ALWAYS real. Instead of being bitter and hostile and gossiping and arguing with each other, look at each other and see the Bride. That’s how we need to view one another in the Church! You’re all beautiful in the eyes of God.
My friend and mentor has a great saying: “Church is not a business. Church is family” (Joseph Rountree). God believes in His family of Jesus-loving people. Being a Christ-follower means experiencing a transformed life and an adoption as God’s child. So what does this new family mean? Every house has a culture — what does God’s family act, talk and think like?
Here are a few simple things to remember about God’s Family:
- Family is not always fun, but it’s always real – Problems get solved in the Kingdom of God. Nothing should be too small for us to be willing to do. Someone cooks the meal, someone sets the table, someone washes the dishes, etc. Humble yourself!
- Family takes ownership of their issues – Family problems are solved by family members. Your neighbor, brother or sister isn’t someone else’s problem; they’re your problem. Bearing the Name of Jesus is a real, full-contact sport, so get in the game and be used to bring life and love to people!
- Family forgives quickly – You no longer have a right to hold unforgiveness or bitterness over anyone. Ever. Your old life dies with Christ and you’re only allowed to operate in the fruit of the Spirit now. Remember: you’ve been forgiven. Forgive first and be like Jesus.
- Family puts one another first – Consider your brothers and sisters in Christ as more important than yourself. Their needs come first, just like in a human family. Don’t be selfish or lazy. Celebrate one another’s victory and serve one another!
- Family is faithful – Just like the faithful Bride, you’re in a commitment. When I married my life and started our family, I committed to give her my first and my best. Offer your first and best to the Lord and be a faithful friend, brother or sister to those around you.
Stop being fickle, friends. Don’t be unfaithful to Christ or each other. Be the Bride.
Jesus loves you. He paid the price for you to never live alone or in fear or darkness or uncertainty. That is such good news to hear for you and for me.
As the Church, we need to repent to God concerning sin in our lives, neglecting our covenant to Him, and neglecting our place in the Family. There’s grace for you from Jesus! But we have to stir up a culture of repentance. If we’re going to live in the power and character of Jesus, we have to be married to Him.
Be blessed, family!
Kaleb Amos 